COLUMN | We can’t afford nonsense anymore [An Innocent Australian]

It was instilled into me from my Labor-voting dad, a Presbyterian carpenter with a fairly black and white view of life, that “You don’t buy anything until you can afford it.” As a teenager, I was enthusiastically viewing cars as my first acquisition target, and despite being offered “finance terms” from a dodgy car yard in Geelong, my dad did not allow it, so after saving a meagre amount, I bought a Morris Minor convertible that was well past its “use by” date.

Being home from the sea only four or five days a month and not having a driver’s licence were two good reasons not to buy a car, but obsession trumps common sense any day. The following month, I was arrested at Ocean Grove for driving without a licence and had to sell the car to pay the fine. Plan B was to find an older girlfriend with a car and licence. Little did I know, but cougars were prowling even in those days and that should have been my Plan A.

Six months after starting my small business as a 29-year-old, I asked my accountant and lawyer whether I should upgrade my rusty VW Beetle.

“No way,” the accountant said. “The cashflow needs to be bolstered!”

“Of course, the cashflow needs to be bolstered,” the lawyer added, “but that wreck is the wrong image.”

At the time I couldn’t afford my obsession, which was a Range Rover, so I settled for a modest second-hand car. Slowly working my way up via second-hand Range Rovers, 12 years later, when the company could afford it, I bought a brand new Range Rover. My pride was short-lived as we were caught by Keating’s “recession we had to have”. Then NABbed by a bank squeezing 22 per cent overdraft rates out of our cashflow faster than they wiped the smile off my face, they repossessed my house and took the Range Rover away.

“Why are they taking your car away, Dad?” asked my concerned eight-year-old son Ross.

Dying inside, but noticing his genuine concern, I responded, “Ross, they must love it more than I do!” He appeared happy at that answer and wandered off.

After resurrecting the situation, I then ran my company like running a ship. Always plot the course well clear of the rocks and ensure the funding is always available for the ongoing fuelling, storing, and crewing of the ship. If you find that you are heading towards a storm or some rocks, physically or financially, you have to make clear and decisive actions straight away, even if the ship lists to some considerable degree as you change course, whereby it may cause temporary discomfort to some people on board. Crew and passengers may moan, but not to my face.

“Some of this inept team were on the bridge ten years ago and it seems their incompetence has reached new levels.”

Looking at the new captain of the “Australia,” I would promptly see the ship heading for the rocks financially and physically and take immediate remedial action by getting rid of anything we can’t afford.

Team Albanese has to exit the bridge. Some of this inept team were on the bridge ten years ago and it seems their incompetence has reached new levels. We can’t afford them.

We can’t afford any association with the UN. They have proven untrustworthy and we can’t believe anything they claim, whether it be about Covid, vaccines, global warming, tidal rises, climate change, etc. If BS was electricity, these fools could power a continent.

We can’t afford to import energy solutions of wind and solar and need to focus on what we have. Coal, gas, and nuclear spring to mind.

We can’t afford to pay the crew four weeks holiday, plus fourteen public holidays per annum, in addition to superannuation, sickies, long service leave, stress leave, maternity leave, etc., etc. We are dreaming! No other ship is doing this.

We can’t afford the Federal and State EPA rules, as they are not only hindering our ship’s financial ability to operate, but our ability to defend ourselves with new and expensive equipment.

We can’t afford the preferential system of voting, from now on, one person one vote only!

We can’t afford to dwell in the past and we need to change the ship from fossil fuel to nuclear energy, using small modular reactors (SMRs). We can then steer safely towards our destiny for the next seven years with no refuelling and minimal emissions!

“We can’t ever again afford to have a fool in charge of the ship.”

Here’s another piece of great news, we have an abundance of uranium and thorium in holds number two and three together with a small enrichment plant in hold number four. How lucky are we?

We can’t afford such misinformation as the ABC spews out and should be selling off 100 per cent effective immediately. We have plenty of private enterprise media that have pledged themselves to impartial reporting that won’t cost a bean.

We can’t afford to ignore our own talent. Our engineer Bradfield has come up with a re-piping system that will finally get you fresh water in abundance. This will be powered by our nuclear units and we can irrigate a much larger area than our own diminutive market garden. In fact, we can be a food bowl for other ships and improve our financial standing and keep our people on board, busy and engaged.

We can’t afford to bring unskilled immigrants who don’t speak the language and won’t assimilate themselves to our values. As you all know, we have had some arrivals who endangered not only the ship, but also our people on board. You will be pleased to know that some suspects will be cast adrift, with a few ABC sympathisers, in an old lifeboat about 30 minutes after I’m promoted to captain.

We can’t afford greedy banks and are immediately eliminating the receivership liquidation system, as this only lines the pockets of banking cohorts, while crucifying genuine endeavours by young companies. We will adopt the US Chapter 11 bankruptcy code system, which allows growing companies to stumble but not fail. Their 90 per cent survival rates against our own system’s five per cent survival is testimony to why US companies rank first in the world’s top 100.

We can’t afford to be behind every other maritime nation, so will extend all rivers into inland waterways with lock systems to access areas 100 metres above sea level. As truck transport cost 33 times the cost of goods by small ship, with small ships reducing greenhouse gases by 96 per cent and railways getting washed away in flood times, this is an absolute environmental must!

We can’t afford to have a weak defence, and to avoid anarchy from within, we will be introducing National Service for all 18-year-olds, no exemptions. This three-year period will also include some skills training similar to Israel and Singapore. Our youth need jobs, not mental health centres!.

Most importantly, we can’t ever again afford to have a fool in charge of the ship. Been there, done that.